Of chemistry, connection, and affection

At any given point of time, there are millions of neurons in our brains, firing away at the speed of light, making and breaking connections, forming and dissolving thoughts. While the connections of neurons are invisible to us, it is the connections that we form externally, that we perceive and react to.

The deal with connections is that they have very little to do with love. While being in love may result in a connection, having a connection may definitely not lead to being in love. It is the interplay between the two that often results in a world of confusion.

I think of the possible kinds of chemistry human beings develop and sustain, excluding of course, familial ties. Chemistry that leads to generation altering music, such as the Beatles; the kind of chemistry that lead to fame of an unprecedented nature. Chemistry between Francis Crick and James D. Watson culminating into the discovery of Deoxyribonucleic acid. Chemistry amongst con men leading to complex, ingenuous, baffling heists. Chemistry between an actor and a director leading to seminal work. Chemistry can, undoubtedly, be palpable and mysterious at the same time.

But what makes me wonder is the truth behind a connection with another human being. What keeps it going? What burns it out? What makes it fade away? Most often than not, a connection may only be with respect to a singular aspect of a personality. Sometimes a connection is reactive like sodium, other times comfortingly inert like gold. Sometimes a connection burns faster than it should, and leaves nothing behind. As it would appear, it is possible to love someone and yet have lost the connection that once existed. On the contrary, it is possible to meet someone after years and revive a connection with as much ease as setting fire to dry leaves. Connections can be comforting, making us feel like someone shares our wavelength. They can be oddly confusing too, making us wonder how someone like us can be so unlike us as well.

I blame the human brain for the fuzzy lines between chemistry, connections, and love. If only there were separate boxes for each; the people we love and the people we connect with. It would probably result in extremely measured relationships in terms of expectations or maybe all of this is a far shot. Maybe we're meant to muddle up the love with the chemistry and the connection and lead ourselves into believing a whole new story.

How would you like it?

In recent times, consumerism has grown exponentially, bombarding us with a plethora of choices. While some choices are heartening, others are plain confusing. From clothes to food, from cars to shoes, the options are infinite. However certain avenues of our lives have remained impervious to possible choice making. While we now have the capability of customizing and personalizing almost all material aspects of our lives, the choice of a romantic partner remains surprisingly immune to cherry picking.

That part of human nature to want and desire more often leads me to wonder, what would it be like to customize our romantic relationships. At this point, I would succinctly state, that any couple claiming to have it all, deserves a derisive chuckle. The creative conscience in us desires certain characteristics in a romantic partner, some of which may be intellectual, physical, emotional or purely whimsical. There is no rationale for them really.

A conversation with a male friend revealed that he prefers women with high cheekbones and another prefers a sharpened sense of humour. As amusing as it may be, we all secretly bear such preferences in our minds. One may prefer a partner with a love of sports, an inclination to remain indoors, a passion for travel, a soft spot for animals or an affinity towards adventure. But these are more conventional and easily detectable attributes, that could be revealed at earlier stages of interaction.

What if there could be a way to program the human mind to filter out possible romantic interactions based on certain whimsical demands? There is software for all sorts of filtering functions (pardon the shaky jargon, not much of a computer aficionado). A program which permits us to feed in those small, seemingly innocuous requirements, which end up being oh so instrumental. This hypothetical program in our minds could determine whether a possible romantic match has potential or is punch-less like a badly made Bloody Mary.

The curse of the quirky and whimsical attribute is, once you know you need it, you really cannot overlook it and it becomes the elephant in the romantic room. To be illustrative would be delving into the personal, and I would like to avoid that. To cite certain hypothetical examples, one may deep down, prefer a partner with a sense of Victorian romance, or one who hates mangoes, or one who sees the similarities between Pink Floyd and Porcupine Tree, or one who reads the newspaper backwards, or one who refreshes a drink before finishing it, or one who listens to jazz while cooking. The quirky mind has endless possibilities. But even if an inkling of a possibility is met, the feeling would be indescribable.

However, there are people who have found immense happiness together, and it makes me wonder, have they silenced that deviant part of their minds, have they accepted the possibility that quirks are like quarks or have they found the proverbial fit?